Kitchen Soliloquy #5: The bin with dietary issues

Sam was a bin, and a tragic sort of character. His friend Watson always managed to diet so easily, using the recycling diet, (a very popular method) whereas Sam just couldn’t control himself.

He loved to eat. Everything.

One day however, he decided he would take drastic measures and had a gastric puncture operation (he swallowed a knife to piece a hole in the bag) to help him shed those stubborn pounds. To no avail however, it just made him reek.

He then tried a mandible misalignment procedure (Making the lid awkwardly half unhooked when its just really awkward to open up the bin and if you try the lid falls off) to put anybody off feeding him.

It didn’t work. They just took his jaw away.

Eventually, Sam, despite whatever pompous methods Watson was using Sam decided he was happy in himself, and did what he liked.

He overflowed for the next 6 months and died, crushed under his own weight.

Around a year ago I came in from a night out, a tad intoxicated. In my kitchen I looked around me and I wanted to be productive, as was clearly the sensible thing to do at 4am. And I suppose I was; I ended up writing a collection of micro-stories about the collection of items in my kitchen. I was looking through that notepad today and I decided I’d let them see the light of air, as nonsensical as they may be.

Now that number 5 is out of the way you might want to look back at what you might have missed – but don’t worry if you missed none: more is to come tomorrow!


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