Hey, I’m Ryan and I’ve decided to write a blog about random crap.
And what better way to start than with one about the household staple – The Crap Box.
Of course there are variations on this model – eg. the crap drawer, the crap room, the crap cupboard, the attic, but all are essentially the same – crap.
So I decided to empty out the crap box sitting humbly on my kitchen counter and this is what I found.
- Assorted Remote controls
None of which for a television or an electronic device that we still own. Still, you never know!
- Assorted Mobile Phones
One of which is broke and the other doesnt have a camera. or the internet. i think the only cool thing it does is provide a fake call. which is well cool. and it makes you look cool. will i say it again? okay. Cooooooooooooooool…..
- A Finding Nemo Pointer/Sharpener/Parer/Topper/Shaver/Etc. Much time has passed and the point is well blunted at this stage, and yet, you can’t help but keep this bad boy in the box. You never know when you’ll need an aul’ pointer and so long as you know where one is you’ll never need to find Nemo (Yes i went there). I think that was the moral of the film.
- A Mike Wazowski Pointer/Not going to go through all the rest again as it is only a pointer, come on. In case you can’t find Nemo.
- A Wine Cork You never know when you’ll need to create an emergency raft. Too bad nobody finished it. Partly because Blossom hill has metal caps, ipso facto, Blossom Hill promotes drowning.
- Hardy Man Measuring Tape There are men in the house, yes? If in doubt, check the crap drawer. There’s nothing more manly than a bit of measuring…
- Hardy Man Sticky Tape Apart from a bit of taping. The solution to all life’s problems.
- Hardy Man Stanley Stan the man – he may be rusty but he never fails under pressure.
- Other General manly stuff Meh, what more d’you need
- Womanly Accessories – Hair Baubles, Clips Etc Now if there’s one thing the crap drawer isn’t it’s sexist. It is all accommodating. it is all accepting. It is all encompassing. Ladies, Form a line.
- Golf Ball Covered In Permanent Marker I can’t quite explain this one.
- Hotel Shampoo Good enough to take home but not quite good enough to join the ranks of the shower shelf. Maybe someday, shampoo, hang in there.
- A Plug Nobody knows where it came from. nobody knows why it’s unattached. But one thing we do know is that there is a wire somewhere, alone, that needs companionship, and when we find it, we will be ready.
- One Half Of A Bicycle Brake The other one might turn up somewhere… maybe… i think.
- One half of a Bicycle Computer We need to stop disassembling bicycles.
- 3 Locks (With Keys) In general good things to have around… you really can’t flaw this one.
- Keys without a lock and a Lock without a key This on the other hand, you could. And before you ask, no – they don’t fit.
- Many, many pairs of glasses The crap box could be compared to SVP as otherwise these guys are homeless. Their prospects may be poor but hey – at least they aren’t alone
- An empty CD case The CD may be long gone but hey, at least the cover will d…oh no wait it’s broke.
- A Super Camp Coin-purse And no, we didn’t keep the receipt, hence, crap box
- Gardening Boobahs Summers always a-coming in Ireland (after all, it’s never here) but you need to keep these bad boys at the ready for that day in late August when it does!
- Some sort of metal detector You can never detect when you’ll need one of these – oh wait – now you can, with your very own metal detector!
- Tangly Shit The steadfast member of every crap drawer, it is always there, always inter-tangled and always, well, useless. In this is a car charger for a long-forgotten Nintendo DS, 2 hoodie strings for whom the hoodies are long gone, chargers for Nokias which they stopped making 10 years ago, an analogue TV wire (because we all need one of those now) and a ribbon with really, an origin i couldn’t care less about speculating. Oh, and broken earphones.
- A Scart Lead Oh faithful scart lead, you are always there for us ❤ and now, you can always be there for it with *drum roll* the crap box!
- Medical Shizz This is the stuff that didn’t make it to the medicine tin, namely a single plaster and an aspirin tablet. Nothing less dodgy than medication scattered around the house! *promptly pops back in crap box*
- 2 Spare Buttons One of these are broke and the other is for school trousers i was finished with last year. Still, you never know if journalism is the way forward, thanks for believing in me Mammy.
- Electronic Miscellania Ah the empty battery, nothing quite encapsulates loyalty quite like them. We’re done with you now, but i’ll keep you around anyway. Lets call the Crap Box ‘The Retirement Home’ on this occasion.
- A Parish Newsletter Just in case you forgot the incredibly significant events of the 4 April 2007 here it is. you may receive a test on this information at any time. Be ready.
- Funky Gloves And Boring Socks in case you want to impersonate MJ while impersonating a priest – these socks were kept as they are black, and not a really really really really really dark blue.
- A Punt To Euro Currency Calculator 12 years in but still can’t quite figure out what your old punts are worth? constantly getting these silly foreign coins mixed up with the mind boggling metric system they invented? Never fear, as after all, if everyone in the country had one of these there really would have been no financial crisis.
- The Rest – I don’t want to bore you with the other crap in there so here’s a pic in which you can interpret the objects yourself.